Is this headline bait-y as hell? You bet your butt it is. Am I giving too much credence, allowing too much room, for Cody detractors? Abso-f***in-lutely. There are going to be fans who are Team Cody and there will be those who are Team Roman, or Team Rock, or just plain Team Bloodline, but the way the wrestling wind usually blows, Cody’s taking this. He's winning. Whether he loses Night 1 and wins Night 2 or just flippin’ wins both nights, this story’s getting finASHED.
But what if he wins Night 1 and then… loses on Night 2? Some of y’all out there are convinced this is what’ll go down. Yes, at what’s being touted as the biggest WrestleMania of all time (not exactly a rare distinction, to be honest). Yes, and even though The Rock's said he’s gonna make Cody a bigger star than Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson was a decade ago. You nasties are dead-set that Roman is going to hold the title through September and beat Hogan’s run.
Look, nothing’s out of the realm of possibilities. Sony thought it would be a grand idea to have Spider-Man-free Spider-Man movies. Someone invented ranch dressing soda. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate (the less said about the burning ships near Orion, the better, amirite?). But having Cody lose two ‘Manias in a row? That just seems like an absurd swerve.
Just because something’s predictable doesn’t make it bad, or even unoriginal. We’re wired to want stories to play out a certain way and wrestling is just storytelling. I don’t want a shock and awe parade. The era of dumb surprises for dumb surprises' sake is (hopefully) over and done with. Our favorite moments in wrestling, throughout the ages, occur when things unfold the way they’re naturally supposed to. It feels good. It feels rewarding. It creates root to snoot warm n’ fuzzies.
So I’m just sending a strong, hearty, rather determined carrier pigeon out into the storm here. What’s the story you guys want to see? Do you want Cody to lose to Roman? Maybe the Bloodline has the numbers again? Maybe Seth does the double-cross? Maybe Cody just loses straight up? Or can we dispense with the rigamarole? With the swirling torrent? With the janky skullduggery and just watch a hero beat the odds and come out on top? Trust me, this year is going to suuuuuck enough. Let’s accept and welcome happy endings where we can find them, knowing too that we deserve them.
Yes, this is a minor form of low-hanging journalism but let’s all agree that it’s not like finding three racists who are pissed about black hobbits and then running a piece saying “Fans Are Divided About The Rings of Power!” Wrestling fans have been, can be, and always will be behind “cool” villains. Honestly, we should just be in awe that this many people want Roman to win anything, and break records in the process, given how much we all wanted, for like six years, for him to do nothing more but fall on his bottom and smoosh his pudding cup. But we’re three weeks out now, slaps have been given and received, 10/10 good boys have been called a**holes, folks really seem to like chanting “diarrhea!” – it’s the Grandest Stage of Them All, baby!
Meanwhile. AEW ran their heavily-hyped "Big Business" Dynamite this week, which can only mean one thing: That's right! You got it! From the depths, the bedrock, the briny fathoms of 2015 comes…
Mercedes Moné made her very expected debut at Big Business, opening the show with a lot of heart and sentiment, but very little indication of her immediate goals, except maybe teaming with/clashing with Willow Nightingale sooner than later. And nabbing the TBS Title in the process. Will Moné be the big incoming star who can actually be the glue for the Women’s Division, rather than just part of the revolving door of champs and contenders? Either way this is a big get and it’s got us all chanting diarrhe... no wait, C-E-O!
By the way, speaking of chiefs and officers, I miss the CFO$. Remember how much WWE entrance themes took a dips*** dive after they left? We went from Mozart to… um, joke… shart. Anyway, what was your favorite CFO$ theme? Just kidding, the clear answer is Sasha Banks’ “Sky’s the Limit.” And now this all circles back in a way that I most certainly intended when I began writing this paragraph because Moné has an insta-catchy, insta-chanty AEW theme. But it ain’t beating STL. She had a dream, folks. A dream she HADN’T made it. But a girl’s gonna what? She’s gonna do what now? That’s right. Push it all out the way. Like in the prophecy.
I supposed the larger question, just tackling Moné from a macro level, is… do we want a babyface CEO? It’s fun to scream out the letters but, you know, Moné’s going to have to heel out eventually. And then wrestlers can come up to her and say “What happened to that full promo we just filmed backstage?” and Mone can break it to them that she shelved the fully completed videos for tax breaks.
Oh, and if you somehow thought Wardlow stood a chance against Joe, after weeks of build and Wardlow himself calling out how much his momentum had gotten the stinky dinky, Big Business opened with the announcers saying “What a show we’ve got tonight, AEW Champion Samoa Joe will be in action!” Which is what you usually say before a Saturday afternoon squash match. Ha, but also… what if Joe had lost? Either outcome is pretty hilarious in its own special way. Oh, wrestling.
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But what if he wins Night 1 and then… loses on Night 2? Some of y’all out there are convinced this is what’ll go down. Yes, at what’s being touted as the biggest WrestleMania of all time (not exactly a rare distinction, to be honest). Yes, and even though The Rock's said he’s gonna make Cody a bigger star than Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson was a decade ago. You nasties are dead-set that Roman is going to hold the title through September and beat Hogan’s run.
Look, nothing’s out of the realm of possibilities. Sony thought it would be a grand idea to have Spider-Man-free Spider-Man movies. Someone invented ranch dressing soda. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate (the less said about the burning ships near Orion, the better, amirite?). But having Cody lose two ‘Manias in a row? That just seems like an absurd swerve.
Just because something’s predictable doesn’t make it bad, or even unoriginal. We’re wired to want stories to play out a certain way and wrestling is just storytelling. I don’t want a shock and awe parade. The era of dumb surprises for dumb surprises' sake is (hopefully) over and done with. Our favorite moments in wrestling, throughout the ages, occur when things unfold the way they’re naturally supposed to. It feels good. It feels rewarding. It creates root to snoot warm n’ fuzzies.
So I’m just sending a strong, hearty, rather determined carrier pigeon out into the storm here. What’s the story you guys want to see? Do you want Cody to lose to Roman? Maybe the Bloodline has the numbers again? Maybe Seth does the double-cross? Maybe Cody just loses straight up? Or can we dispense with the rigamarole? With the swirling torrent? With the janky skullduggery and just watch a hero beat the odds and come out on top? Trust me, this year is going to suuuuuck enough. Let’s accept and welcome happy endings where we can find them, knowing too that we deserve them.
Yes, this is a minor form of low-hanging journalism but let’s all agree that it’s not like finding three racists who are pissed about black hobbits and then running a piece saying “Fans Are Divided About The Rings of Power!” Wrestling fans have been, can be, and always will be behind “cool” villains. Honestly, we should just be in awe that this many people want Roman to win anything, and break records in the process, given how much we all wanted, for like six years, for him to do nothing more but fall on his bottom and smoosh his pudding cup. But we’re three weeks out now, slaps have been given and received, 10/10 good boys have been called a**holes, folks really seem to like chanting “diarrhea!” – it’s the Grandest Stage of Them All, baby!
Meanwhile. AEW ran their heavily-hyped "Big Business" Dynamite this week, which can only mean one thing: That's right! You got it! From the depths, the bedrock, the briny fathoms of 2015 comes…
Mercedes Moné made her very expected debut at Big Business, opening the show with a lot of heart and sentiment, but very little indication of her immediate goals, except maybe teaming with/clashing with Willow Nightingale sooner than later. And nabbing the TBS Title in the process. Will Moné be the big incoming star who can actually be the glue for the Women’s Division, rather than just part of the revolving door of champs and contenders? Either way this is a big get and it’s got us all chanting diarrhe... no wait, C-E-O!
By the way, speaking of chiefs and officers, I miss the CFO$. Remember how much WWE entrance themes took a dips*** dive after they left? We went from Mozart to… um, joke… shart. Anyway, what was your favorite CFO$ theme? Just kidding, the clear answer is Sasha Banks’ “Sky’s the Limit.” And now this all circles back in a way that I most certainly intended when I began writing this paragraph because Moné has an insta-catchy, insta-chanty AEW theme. But it ain’t beating STL. She had a dream, folks. A dream she HADN’T made it. But a girl’s gonna what? She’s gonna do what now? That’s right. Push it all out the way. Like in the prophecy.
I supposed the larger question, just tackling Moné from a macro level, is… do we want a babyface CEO? It’s fun to scream out the letters but, you know, Moné’s going to have to heel out eventually. And then wrestlers can come up to her and say “What happened to that full promo we just filmed backstage?” and Mone can break it to them that she shelved the fully completed videos for tax breaks.
Oh, and if you somehow thought Wardlow stood a chance against Joe, after weeks of build and Wardlow himself calling out how much his momentum had gotten the stinky dinky, Big Business opened with the announcers saying “What a show we’ve got tonight, AEW Champion Samoa Joe will be in action!” Which is what you usually say before a Saturday afternoon squash match. Ha, but also… what if Joe had lost? Either outcome is pretty hilarious in its own special way. Oh, wrestling.
Kneelift!
Watch Wrestling.
Continue reading...
